THE LIFE AND DREAMS OF A WRITER
We can all dream and I dreamed big.
As a cleaner in a factory, there had to be more to life. The rent and bills for my two bedroom flat in an undesirable part of town were crippling on my wages and my eighteen year old drop out, pot smoking son only added to my woes. He had never done a days work since leaving school at fifteen, he mixed with a bad crowd and spent his dole money on dope and booze and just lazed about all day. I tried so hard to get him motivated but in the end I just gave up in frustration.
My only satisfaction in life is writing. It took me out of my miserable existence and put me in a fantasy world of love, passion, wealth and exciting adventures. I had been writing a fiction novel for nearly three years, there was just the final chapter to complete but the twist at the end had eluded me for some time. Naturally I had dreams of it being a worldwide bestseller along with thousands of other budding authors, why not, it was all part of my fantasy land.
One day I returned home from work to find my flat trashed, my treasured personal items, mementos, photographs of my parents, long departed, torn to shreds. My childhood memories obliterated except in my mind. I burst into tears, the knowledge of being burgled was bad enough but then the full horror hit me. My lifeline, my laptop with my book encased in its depths along with the paper version and backup memory stick, all gone. I collapsed in a heap onto the computer chair, the thought of having to start all over again was unimaginable. My whole life for what it is had just caved in, it was as though a big part of me had died. The huge row with my son the night before had already upset me, I told him to sort himself out, get a job or get out. No, No, I thought, he wouldn’t, then I found the scrawled note which read, ‘Sick of this shit life and your moaning, gone to find a better one’. I was distraught, he was useless but he was still my son. I tried his mobile, dead. Over the following weeks I contacted his friends, no one had seen or heard from him. I reported him missing but after a couple of months the dole office stopped paying out, now there was no trace. My mind became numb and vacant, which was the greatest loss, my son having gone off or my dream book, I did not know but both felt like a loss through death.
I struggled on with my life, I left the factory and now worked in a hospital as an auxillary nurse, I thought, if my dreams have gone I can help others with theirs. One afternoon about three years later, I was attending to an elderly lady at the hospital, I asked what she was reading, she handed me the book, I did not recognize the title, I began to read, shock went through my body, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I flicked through the pages, this was my book, my story, my three years of dreams, frustrations, re-writing, editing, exasperation, it was all there in my hand. ‘Can I borrow your book’, I asked, ‘Of course my dear’. During my break I sat in the rest room and went straight for the last chapter, again I could not believe my eyes. The one thing that had eluded me was now complete and brilliantly written.
That night I was up till the early hours going through every page, it was just as I had written it. The following day I contacted the publishers. The book was a world best seller and film rights had been sold. There was a package for me, they would send a courier. Later that week on my day off, a prestige car pulled up and there was a knock at the door, the courier hopefully, I thought, but on opening it, there stood my son, smartly dressed with a beaming smile. We hugged hard and as he came in he handed me the package. I was shocked but excited as there in my hand was the authenticated publishing and film rights to my book, in my name which had made millions. ‘Who, what, why’, I asked. Does it matter just sign it, I love you mum.
FIRKIN SHORT STORIES
Welcome to a selection of short stories, including forty five photographs and graphics. Some make up the book
‘ Rich Inspirations ‘ by Richard Palmer available on Amazon, Waterstones,
E.bay, all good bookstores and outlets around Coral Bay, Cyprus.
Book out now on Amazon, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’
Risque Rhymes and Tantalising Tales.
Rich Palmer
Peyia. www.paphoswritersgroup.org
UP THE CREEK
At 7. 0. a.m I was walking along the beach looking out over the estuary. It had been a severely wild night with gale force winds, thunder and lightning plus torrential rain. Sleep had been difficult, I hoped the early morning stroll would clear my head.
Suddenly I was there looking down at her, she looked seriously rough, lying in the sand face down, partly on her side. An old sunbed was lying on top of her and she was covered in sand and in much distress. Eventually I managed to drag her off the beach. I took her home and cared for her and gave her a new life. It took a long time and we became very close.
Later, when she reached peak condition, I took her on holiday and stayed in a hotel overlooking the sea. I lovingly stared at her as she lay stretched out on the beach, she looked amazing. I slowly managed to get her in the water, it was difficult to know how she would manage it after the past experience.
I sat on top of her, jerking myself back and forth, I heard a groan as I increased my pace. You could hear the grinding as my buttocks and thighs were exerted to their limits. My hands and arms vigorously pulling her towards me, then releasing as we both surged forward. This was pure ecstasy, our bodies vibrating in perpetual motion. Time passed, I was exhausted but felt she could go on and on. She took everything I gave her, there was no let up, then suddenly, as my torso pushed hard into her, I pulled my head and arms backwards. Due to sheer force, both rowlocks broke, I fell backwards and the oars floated off into the sea, leaving me “Up the creek”, without a paddle.
A POOR RELATIONSHIP
We had been together for several years, in the beginning it was love at first sight. I could not do enough for him, all I wanted was to keep him happy, care for him, share my love and passion for the finer things in life and enjoy a good solid relationship. In return I expected him to reciprocate and show me lot’s of affection, be attentive, snuggle up close and be there when I need him.
At first things were cosy, we would lie on the couch watching television, a romantic comedy, his head on my lap as I caressed his lean body. Sometimes we were so happy and contented, we just fell asleep together and eventually snuggled up in bed. He had nothing to complain about, I pampered to his every whim, made his meals, let him go out at nights with his mates, often till very late as I knew he would always return to me.
One night he came home in the early hours making a right racket as he could not get the door open, I let him in, he walked past me, I confronted him, he was in a foul mood and went for me. Things got nasty, we had a fight, he drew blood. I shouted hurtful things, told him to piss off as I didn’t like him anymore, I struck out and injured him, blood was flowing fast. I panicked and rushed him to the clinic. Maybe it was time we parted, things were being taken for granted. Maybe he should find a new partner, someone who understood him more than me, I wouldn’t blame him, I can be a pain in the arse at times.
I was feeling very guilty for what I had done and confessed to the doctor that I was not always a good partner, I was too clingy and needy at times. One day I loved him the next I didn’t.
He replied, ‘Madam, welcome to owning and loving a cat.
From the book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’ risque rhymes & tantalising tales
Available on Amazon
COUNTER MEASURES
After two weeks in office as the new President of the United States of America, Donald J Trump managed to seriously deplete any popularity he had in the first place. New regulations for this and that, messing with the abortion rules, oh and lets not forget the biggest one of them all, the immigration bill.
Trump says that the Mexican drugs barons and the criminal fraternity involved with them are entering the United States illegally, selling drugs and committing other serious crimes.
We all know that the first item on his agenda was to propose building a high wall along the nearly two thousand mile border with Mexico. He then intends to recruit five thousand security staff to make sure the border is not abused. He has already put in new regulations affecting businesses, border controls and airport security. Anyone with slightly incorrect papers looking suspicious is being held and told they cannot fly or will be deported. This is affecting young and old who have family in other countries, creating unemployment and despair. Due to the unpopularity of these regulations and Trump himself, mass protests have been taking place around the world. Furthermore, he has been urging other countries to follow Britain’s road and leave the E.U to take up alliance with America.
After being in office for several months, Trump decided to travel around Europe to bolster his popularity. He visited London where thousands turned out to protest against his visit and actions. Extra Police had to be drafted in, there were riots, cars set on fire, shops burned and street fighting with Trump supporters. The visit was cut short and he and his entourage left in a hurry. A few days later he visited another major British city and once again there were protesters, not thousands but hundreds of thousands bringing the area to a virtual standstill. Music was blasting away, banners were everywhere, it looked menacing but there was no rioting, fighting or damage caused, just a peaceful demonstration.
Trump with a wall of Police in front of him, began to address the masses, suddenly the crowd surged forward, the Police cordon broken, Trump feared for his life and fled inside the hotel. ‘ This is serious’, said the President to his advisors, we need an urgent counter measure.
The manager of the hotel told them that the leaders of the protest would like a meeting to express the views of the crowd. Trump readily agreed as he saw an opportunity to bond and increase his status. The leaders were shown in and demanded that the intended wall with Mexico be scrapped as a lot of them were immigrants and as history shows, our city was built by immigrants and we have a strong bond with Mexicans. Trump was not amused that a bunch of banner waving yobs were trying to force his hand on such a serious subject. He asked to be given thirty minutes to discuss the issue and retired to another part of the hotel.
As he and his entourage sneaked out of the building and entered the hotel private car park, they got the shock of their lives as there were his drivers and security staff, naked except for their underpants, tied to the railings. The four black Presidential limos’ lay on bricks, their wheels missing. The protest leaders said, ‘sign the declaration not to build the wall and we’ll give ya yer wheels back’. Trump reluctantly signed the document and said to his aides, ‘That’s the last time I go anywhere near Liverpool, bloody Scousers !!’
As a result of actions by the people of Liverpool, the city is now twinned with the capitol of Mexico.
This story in new book now on Amazon.
THE WONDER OF YOU.
Born in a small English country village, miles from the nearest town, Sam Jones grew up with very little knowledge of the outside world. His parents ran a small farm and even at the age of eighteen, Sam had very rarely travelled further than the local market where his father would sell produce to pay for their meagre existence. Due to falling out of a barn onto farm machinery when he was a small boy, Sam required major surgery which included damage to his brain. As a result he missed most of his early school life and the little knowledge he had was gained from working on the farm. As time passed, Sam became restless and felt it was time he began to explore, not just Britain but other countries. Due to his injuries and circumstances and the fact he was slow in speech and lacked education, Sam had become the butt of jokes and regarded by some as the village idiot. He was a bit of a dreamer and fantasised about becoming an international statesman or prime minister or president of a major country. A position where he could change the world for the better. There was no end to his fantasies but there was also virtually no hope of it happening.
A year or so later, Sam received substantial compensation and after taking care of his parents, decided to go somewhere exciting. He chose the bright lights of Las Vegas, the total opposite of his present life. He arrived at the height of the season and was totally mesmerised by all the hustle and bustle plus the thousands of lights. He wandered around the arcades, went to shows and learnt to play blackjack in the casino’s. He felt a bit ordinary as he walked amongst the punters, the ladies in their beautiful evening dresses and men in dinner jackets and bow tie. The following day he found an almost new white dinner jacket for sale and bought it. A local store supplied a new white frilled shirt and bow tie and Sam was transformed and put into a world he had never known before. That night he played blackjack with the air and grace and confidence of James Bond, plus he won some money. He left the casino and walked into a show bar where people could get up and sing on stage. Sam did not have much of a voice, any warbling was done in the fields away from all except the birds and the bees plus the animals he was attending to who never complained about the racket he was making. After choosing a table, he put his hand up to raise the attention of the waiter who seemed to ignore him in the busy atmosphere. Before he had chance to lower his arm, he was grabbed by two burly men and hurled up on stage. He was unaware that the compare had just asked for someone to come up and sing. Panic set in as he was placed in front of the mike, the music began to play as the words came up on a screen. It was Sam’s favourite song and he sang his heart out except this time it wasn’t the birds and the bees, it was a thousand people. At the end Sam failed to understand what was happening, there was the entire audience on their feet, applauding, whistling, screaming for more. The compare reacted quickly and set Sam up to do another song, then another, they could not get enough of him. He stood there in his dinner jacket somewhat confused but elated at the response. He returned to his table and as he took his jacket off he found a note in the lining. It read, to whom it may concern. This is a magical jacket and whoever owns it will take on all the attributes, habits and talents of the person who last wore it. Take care of it and only give it to someone worthy who will live up to your expectations. Sam sat there dazed and confused trying to understand the meaning when suddenly it dawned on him that the reason for his success tonight was the jacket, but that was crazy. He also realised that the previous owner was a great singer and entertainer, but who!
Sam returned to his hotel room, totally bewildered by the events of the night. He took off the dinner jacket, poured a drink and just sat there staring at the garment. He stood up and just paced round the room then burst into song, it was rubbish, out of tune, he could not hit the high notes. He knew what he had to do next but the thought of what might happen scared him, right now he was back to being Sam, the lad they called the village idiot. After half an hour and a couple of strong Brandies he put on the jacket and immediately felt stimulated. He warily began to sing, the song flowed beautifully, he recorded himself on his phone so he could play it back and listen, ensuring himself that this was really happening.
The following morning Sam woke to the sound of the phone ringing, it was Tim Burrows a local entertainment agent and manager who had been in the audience the previous night.. ‘I’d like to meet up and discuss your singing career,’ said Tim. ‘But I can’t, Sam cut short, ‘when’ he asked. ‘How about this afternoon in your hotel lounge,’ said Tim, ‘say three pm’ ? Sam realised that he had almost given the game away, ‘That’s fine’, said Sam ‘see you later.
The meeting went fairly smoothly although Sam was a bit bewildered by it all. The so called village idiot had just been offered a fantastic deal to sing in the main venues in Las Vegas and if successful, a recording contract for a single and an album. This is mad he thought and he knew that if he was not wearing the dinher jacket on ththe night, none of it was possible. TIm wanted him to wear a red jacket but Sam was having none of it and told him the white one was his lucky charm. Tim agreed and a contract was signed.
Several months later, Sam who by now was a household name having hit the number one spot in the country and abroad and playing to packed venues most nights, was invited to sit at the table with the President at a grand charity ball. As the night went on and the drink flowed, Sam excused himself to make a visit to the gents cloakroom. The President also decided to go and both removed their jackets, hanging them up. Sam, having used the ablutions, picked up the jacket but due to the warm night, carried it and placed it over the back of his chair. The President returned to the table wearing his jacket, he appeared to be uneasy and acting in a strange manner. By the end of the night all his protocol had disappeared and he was babbling away like a village idiot. Due to recent events since his election, no one at the table noticed any difference.
WELL TACKLED
It had been a great night out on the town with his best mates, celebrating his twenty second birthday. Many pubs and bars were visited resulting in a large consumption of alcohol. As the night continued, they met up with a group of girls out on a hen party and one particular young girl caught Jamie’s attention. She looked stunning, really sexy with long blonde hair, deep blue eyes and pouting lips. The little black lace dress showed off her fabulous figure, legs up to her arm pits as the phrase goes with tantalising boob cleavage.
Jamie was mesmerised and full of confidence fuelled by drink. The two groups merged together and he immediatly got her up to dance, eager to be close and find out more about her. She was bubbly, although slightly intoxicated as she warmed to Jamie’s charm and good looks. Later, her friends decided to move on to another venue but she decided to stay with her new friend. With his mates now smashed, drinking shots at the bar, Jamie suggested to his sexy friend that they take a taxi back to his flat, she incoherently agreed.
The heating was on, the lighting subdued, soft ballad music played from the television while scented candles flickered. A large glass of wine each completed the scene as she sank into the soft leather sofa, her legs slightly parted as her dress rose high showing a teasing bit of black lace panties. Jamie sat close by, mouth and eyes wide open……………..
From book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’, Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales.
Now available on Amazon. Ideal adult present.
Dear Mr. President
It has come to my ears that you intend to do some crazy things, not normally a problem to a short arsed Mexican peasant like me, you are the President, you can do what you like. However, I do have serious concerns about a rumour going round that you intend building a wall round Mexico to stop greasy money and job grabbing little bastards like me ( your words, not mine), from entering your country. My problem is I have already grabbed a job in your country which pays cash in hand very well, along with hundreds of my fellow Mexican friends. I am a supervisor in a hotel with my friends who do not speak much English.
I see that you are booked in here in a few months for a conference to discuss the building of this wall. We do not have any papers or citizenship and would be forced to return to our native country resulting in the closure of the hotel. As this is the only hotel around for miles, you and your entourage would have nowhere to stay. Furthermore, , I and my friends have just signed a new cash in hand contract with penalty clauses and unlike politician’s, our word is our bond and we intend to carry out the contract to the end.
So there lies the problem and what we need from you Mr. President is details and plans regarding the wall. For example, how long will it take to put the motion through the Senate and how long for the plans to be drawn up. How long to build considering the border is nearly two thousand miles long and which end will you be starting from. One of the main concerns is how high will it be as ladders are difficult to find out here and being short arsed, means we would have difficulty carrying them. Also, should the wall be completed before we leave, will there be any guards and dogs around.
I personally think the project will take longer than a year so therefore I and all my mates would like to apply for jobs building the wall. Cash in hand of course.
Yours sincerely, Miguel Ambrosio Diaz.
From book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’ Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales
Now available on Amazon. Ideal adult present.
SERVICE WITH A SMILE.
This house is a mess, I have a hospital appointment and could be away for hours, said Andrews wife, Penelope. ‘ Do you think you could do something about it before I get back’. ‘Andrew, are you listening to me, I want the house sorting out’.
Nag, Nag, Nag he thought, she’s always going on about something. ‘The cleaner doesn’t work properly’, he replied, ‘Then service it, sort it or get a new one, you have always got an excuse’. Penelope left for the hospital, leaving Andrew in a disgruntled mood. I’m fed up of this life, he thought, do this do that. Wouldn’t mind if the time we spent together was pleasant, but it’s not and as for a sex life, it’s a joke, can’t remember the last time, o’h what’s the use, I married her, just have to get on with it.
He continued with the newspaper daily crossword but his concentration was drawn to the nearly nude picture of a young pin up girl on the adjacent page. Could do with some of that…………….
From book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’, Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales.
Available on Amazon. Ideal adult Christmas present.
THE DREAMER
She drove slowly along the narrow dusty road, the pot holed tarmac crumbling at the edgesfronting the rows of orange trees, their distinct smell wafting through the open windows of thesmall hire car. The Cyprus heat and humidity was intense as she breathed in every bit ofslight breeze. Turning the corner, banana trees towered over her on either side, their bluebags giving welcome protection to the ripening fruit. Moving to the entrance of the rustic taverna, a basic building standing alone in flat farmland with the waves of the blue sea and amillion sparkling diamonds crashing down on the rugged volcanic rocks holding it at bay,the never ending horizon looming in the background, a magnificent scene. She was carefulnot to stir up any dust while parking knowing there were people eating and drinking.A very attractive woman with a beautiful smile on her rounded face, the dark blonde hairenhancing the deep blue eyes, her figure she thought was not perfect but well developedand she felt good for her age of fifty years.There were only a few people dining outside the taverna, the inside empty as it was too hot.She chose a quiet spot and settled into a wicker chair after first placing a cushion on it.Looking out to sea among the embracing palms surrounding the taverna she soaked up thepeace and tranquillity. There was a tingling on her now barefoot and looking down she found
From book, ‘RICH INSPIRATIONS’ Promiscuous poems & Twisted Tales.
Available on Amazon, Yialos Tavern, Carmines Cards, Philipos supermarket Coral Bay, Cyprus.
Ideal adult present.
The love of my life
We slept together on many nights and as I lay inside her slowly moving in perpetual motion, sheresponded with a gentle quiver and I could feel her whole body in perfect timing with mine.I moved slightly and glanced out of the window, the cloudless night sky with a full moon and billions ofstars twinkling away in the never ending atmosphere, surely life does not get better than this.I lapped up the whole sensual and magical scene, how lucky was I to have her, so beautiful in every wayand so fresh and young at only seventeen years old. Only a young man myself at thirty eight, overtwice her age but I hoped that if I treated her right and cared for her she would respond by giving me years of pleasure and…. ‘Rich Inspirations’ available on Amazon.
Promiscuous Poems & Twisted Tales.
Serious, Sexually suggestive, Humorous and Twisted
Click Twisted Tales @ www.thefirkinwebsite.com