DEAR MR. PRESIDENT.
It has come to my ears that you intend to do some crazy things, not normally a problem to a short arsed Mexican peasant like me, you are the president, you can do what you like. However, I do have serious concerns about a rumour going round that you intend building a wall round Mexico to stop greasy money and job grabbing little bastards like me, ( your words, not mine), from entering your country. My problem is, I have already grabbed a job in your country which pays cash in hand very well, along with hundreds of my fellow Mexican friends. I am a supervisor in a hotel with my friends who do not speak much English. I see that you are booked in here in a few months for a conference to discuss the building of this wall. We do not have any papers or citizenship and would be forced to return to our native country resulting in the closure of the hotel. As this is the only hotel around for miles, you and your entourage would have nowhere to stay. Furthermore, I and my friends have just signed a new cash in hand contract with penalty clauses and unlike politician’s, our word is our bond and we intend to carry out the contract to the end.
So there lies the problem and what we need from you Mr. President is details and plans regarding the wall. For example, how long will it take to put the motion through the senate and how long for the plans to be drawn up.
How long to build considering the border is nearly two thousand miles long and which end will you be starting from. One of the main concerns is how high will it be as ladders are difficult to find out here and being short arsed means we would have difficulty carrying them. Also , should the wall be completed before we leave, will there be any guards and dogs around.
I personally think the project will take longer than a year so therefore I and all my mates would like to apply for jobs building the wall. Cash in hand of course.
Yours sincerely, Miguel Ambrosio Diaz.
From new book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’, Risque rhymes & Tantalising tales by Richard Palmer available on Amazon.
. Welcome to poems and short stories by Richard Palmer.
Author of the books listed below.
www.paphoswritersgroup.org
BOOK PROMOTION
‘RICH INSPIRATIONS’ by Richard Palmer available on Amazon.
Promiscuous Poems and Twisted Tales.
Serious, sensual, humorous and twisted.
A collection of short stories and poems ingeniously woven
together by the author to create a magical journey in the mind
of the reader. 140 pages including 45 graphics and photographs.
Book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’, Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales,
including 40 plus photographs and graphics now available on Amazon and all good bookshops worldwide
Often with a saucy twist, it makes an ideal adult present,
Its different !!
New book published December 2020 available on AMAZON now.
’THAT’S RICH’
W.W. 2 ‘OPERATION MARKET GARDEN’ 17th – 25th Sept 1944.
To capture nine bridges was the aim
‘Operation Market Garden’ was the name
Ten thousand soldiers bravely fought
But eight thousand died or were caught
We liberated Eindhoven and Nijmegen
With airbourne forces, tanks and men
Over Netherlands all seemed fine
Until we came to the river Rhine
Enemy forces had gathered strong
Somehow the plans had all gone wrong
Mistakes were made by the top brass
And now the enemy has whipped our ass
The battles lost what should I do
I’ll write a letter just for you
I’m lying here with my mates who’ve died
Their bodies strewn by my side
I cannot move, my legs are shot
And very soon they will start to rot
Then I’ll join my mates who have died
But I’d rather be by your side
The battles lost, what should I do
Shout out loud, ‘I love you’
But don’t wait for me, my bodies shot
These last few words is all I’ve got
I fought for freedom and our son
And I hope one day when this war is done
People will remember my mates and me
Who sadly died but set them free.
Richard Palmer September 2019
www.thefirkinwebsite.com
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A BLUE BLOODED BABY
My name is ‘Archie’ and I’ve got Royal blood
I don’t know if that’s bad or it’s very good
For I’ve only just been born and i’m famous far and wide
Thanks to my dad Harry who’s heart is full of pride
My mum’s a mass of smiles, as radiant as can be
She is so delighted to have given birth to little ‘ol’ me
Apparrently I am blessed to have blood so pure and blue
But little did I know, it’s also the colour of my poo
It makes me feel contented and very, very happy
Especially when I fart and fill my Royal nappy
My grandad thinks i’m cute, Charlie is his name
He’s got Royal blood, so I think that we’re the same
Except that I am very young and he is very old
Married to Camilla, a nice lady I am told
It’s sad my grandma died, so beautiful with grace
She would have glowed as she looked upon my face
But it was not to be, for it was time for her to go
And now that I am born, she is someone I’ll never know
So what of the future, I’ll never see the throne
Unless I’m in the bathroom sitting all alone
But I’ll never have to worry, I’ll never have to rush
And when I’ve done my duty, I’ll give a Royal flush
So to all you lovely people who love my mum and dad
Share your life with me because I think it won’t be bad.
From the book, ‘THAT’S RICH’ by Richard Palmer
Available on Amazon.
THE VETERAN’S PLIGHT
Join the Army read the government’s blurb
Seek adventure and tour the world
But all this seemed totally absurd
As the true details were unfurled
Snow flakes and phone zombies is for what we plead
So why don’t you apply
Your country wants you in desperate need
So step forward, don’t be shy
Exciting adventure, sports and fun
Opportunities are there to be found
You may even get issued with a gun
When you step out on foreign ground
Healthcare and housing, a pension to admire
What more do you need in life
But suddenly it’s time to retire
And you realise you’re in desperate strife
Young and maimed through fighting a war
A cause that’s not your concern
Peace and democracy, greed for oil, what am I fighting for
As Politicians argue but don’t really care, will they ever learn
Now a veteran, discharged and unfit
To the government I stake my claim
But I am told there’s no benefits from some halfwit
It appears it’s my fault I am lame
So out on the streets, homeless and cold
As in a shop doorway I bed……………….
12/02/19.
MIND OVER MATTER
Eighty one years I have been on this Earth and there has not, as far as I know, been a time when you have not been there. You guided me through a turbulent life, from a baby, although like most people, there are no recollections from those days, probably about aged three would be the norm. Later you were there on my first day at school, we listened and studied together and over time we gained amazing knowledge and intelligence, not just academically but about life. We were inseparable and put great trust in each other as we shared a special bond full of love, sadness, happiness, pain and so much emotion as we laughed and cried.
My first bike ride, swimming lessons, the day I got lost, the first kiss while holding hands in the back row of the cinema and eventually my first sexual encounter. It was you who gave me strength and wisdom to carry out these tasks. On one occasion while partying with friends, I got totally drunk on vodka and fell flat on the floor with my friends standing around me laughing. Suddenly you were not there to help me and I was useless and incapable on my own. I woke up in bed the following morning and you were there, but neither me or you were of any use to each other. I was limp and fragile and you were totaly mixed up, almost delerious. It wasn’t until the next morning that we were able to connect with each other and make some sense as to what had gone on. The worrying thing was that my knickers were in my handbag, no wonder I had a crowd round me. Were you bothered, not one jot, anything could have happened in my moments of total abandonment. It was like the time I lost my virginity at sixteen, a bit young but you were well up for it even though my pure untouched body was not. Go for it, go for it, that’s all I got out of you. I would have sat there like a dummy but suddenly I am laying there, legs wide open, screaming in pure ecstacy, and why, because you interferred and urged me on. I felt degraded afterwards and hated you, for I was no longer a pure innocent girl. Later on, again with your encouragement, because I had done it once, I thought I might as well carry on. You didn’t seem to care and I just went along for the ride, so to speak. Anyway, as you know, I got pregnant and the real bond and understanding really kicked in. There were some major decisions to be made like abortion, adoption, the possibility of my body being cut open for a caesarean operation, also the stigma of being a young unmarried mother and the effect it would have on my family. I must admit, in the end you were magnificent, you gave me the strength to carry on and make the right decision.
My son has been amazing, although at times I had my doubts. A handsome grown up man now, university educated, chairman of his own successful company. I sometimes wonder what I would have done without him, he may be married with my two lovely grandchildren who visit me now and then but he makes sure I have everything I need, love and affection, financial security, home comforts and all the care and attention I could hope for in this superior nursing home.
These days I no longer write my thoughts and memories down, for you are no longer there to guide me. You are somewhere deep in my brain, gone but not totally forgotten. Life can be cruel when you have lost your mind to dementia.
From the book ‘THAT’S RICH’ available on Amazon and all good bookshops worldwide.
WHY ME
I know I signed the papers, they said it was a draft
I thought, lots of fun and capers, but me mates said I was daft
The danger was far too much, Afghanistan is cruel
Please send someone else, I think I have been a fool
Too late now lad, you’re in the Army, the Sergeant Major said
Keep your wits about you or soon you will be dead
‘Why me, why me’, I cried and cried
Don’t worry said the Sergeant, just take it in your stride
I had done the training, that there was no doubt
But also a risk of failing, as the Sergeant bellowed out
Lift your feet up you idle sod, you’re supposed to be a soldier
I softly prayed to God, I wish I had left it until I was older
‘Why me, why me’, I cried and cried
Don’t worry said the Sergeant, think of the pride
Soon we landed in another land, it was hot, humid and dry
As soon as my feet touched the sand, I felt I wanted to cry
Who are we fighting, what’s the reason, what’s the cause ?
With bullets and bombs igniting, I stood for a thoughtful pause
Out in the desert there was an attack, two of my mates dropped dead
From bullets and strafing flack, whizzing past my head
Should I flee this dreadful scene, the desert, there was nowhere to hide
I thought of where I could have been, why me, why me, I cried and cried
I held my gun and………..????
AWAY WITH THE FAIRIES
Little Bo peep fancied sex with a sheep but didn’t know what to do
So she made a call to someone quite small and up popped little Boy Blue
He said, ‘I’ve no idea as i’m a bit queer and sheep are not my call
If you want some rumpy, ask Humpty Dumpty but make sure he stays on the wall
Humpty said, ‘Don’t do it in bed, make sure you are on the flat’
Watch out for cows, pigs and sows and stay clear of the odd cowpat
Now Old Mcdonald had the farm, he shouted E-I-E-I-O
This idea of yours should be done on the moors so I think it’s time to go
But along came Mary, quite contrary, holding a little lamb
She said to the farmer, try to stay calmer, for your views we don’t give a damn
Little Bo Peep, pulled on the sheep as it blurted out Baa, Baa
How come your black as she lay on her back, ‘O’o’h, I think you’ve gone to far
Snow White came next, looking perplexed and said iv’e brought Tom Thumb
He pushed through the crowd and shouted out loud
‘Bo Peep ! I can see your bum
As the sheep reared, the farmhand appeared, ‘it’s Whittington’, cried Puss in Boots
Then Jack gave a talk, ’bout the size of his stalk, but no one gave……????
THE WALK OF LIFE
You’ve got to be desperate to abandon your life
Leave your homeland with kids and wife
Escape from violence, poverty and despair
In the hope of a future in a land out there
It drives us on, it creates desire
Stirs our minds, fills our hearts with fire
From Central America across rivers and land
from Guatemala, El Salvador, Hondorous, places not grand
Our numbers swell as we cover each mile
By people desperate for a life with a smile
A thousand miles they trudge on foot
With a lack of food and an aching gut
Totally focussed on their destination
They suffer thirst and mild infestation
Now in their thousands, a problem for Trump
As the caravan of people steadily clump
The Mexican border lies up ahead
The gateway to freedom or a bullet in the head
For their path is blocked into the States
By border control and iron gates
Send in the……..????
Picture
FOR ALL CAT LOVERS
PUSSY – PUSSY – PUSSY
Hello, I’m just a little kitten, my name is Storm
It’s been eighteen months since the day I was born
I lived on the forces base up at Episkopi
With my mum and sister who looked after me
We lived with a family who got sent away
Took my mum, not seen her since that day
Into a compound my sister ‘Midnight’ and I were put
Mixed with other cats who around us they did strut
A big docile ginger and a nasty little grey
Who, when a cat came near, he quickly chased away
Food and drink was plenty, but I missed my mum
And when all the cats farted, the place did really hum
The staff were always smiling and each day with us they played
Looked after all our needs and made sure that we were spayed
A year went by and I decided that this was it
My home for all my life, a place to eat, play and sit
Then one day a couple came looking for a little pet
I ran around excited and grinned as we met
But my sister kept on poking, in her little paws
And being almost identical, I showed her my sharp claws
But soon I was on my way to a place by the sea
A whole villa and gardens just for little ol’ me
I settled in quite quickly as they gave me a gentle pat
Fed me food and water and laid out a comfy mat
But one day I got chastised for?……………….
11/09/18
A WORLD AT WAR
What is the future, what lies ahead
When do we stop burying our dead
Sons and daughters in the forces
Orphaned children, life changing courses
Always at war in a foreign land
A fight to the death over a stretch of sand
Internal issues should not be our fight
But look at the people, look at their plight
Blown to bits by a government force
Seeking out rebels fighting their cause
Fighting for towns, no peace in sight
As bombing continues throughout the night
Millions displaced from their homeland
As they trudge for miles over hot desert sand
Refugee camps, poverty galore
As countries say, we can take no more
Hospitals, schools, flattened to a pile of rubble
Used by people who gave no trouble
In the cause of world power?………………
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THIS LIVING WORLD
I never knew my parents, they died so I could live
They were coloured and very bright with the happiness they could give
I was found abandoned, helpless on the floor
The wind and rain beating down, could I take much more ?
Lying in a soggy mire should I have struggled and hoped ?
Battered by life’s elements I was doomed and soaked.
But then a miracle of life came my way
The sun burst through and turned the gloom into a fine spring day.
I felt an energy inside so strong and fierce
I thought my skin was going to pierce.
My body grew so strong and tall
Never again would I fall
And as for winds and the occasional shower
It did not matter now that I am a flower
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ANTI SOCIAL
I’m only one of many, just a little ant
I work hard all day and never puff and pant
I don’t ask for pay and I never claim the dole
I share a house with friends, we built it in a hole
We never whinge and moan, we never go on strike
We haven’t got a union, we told them to take a hike
We never hurt each other, there’s only time for love
And our religion does not come from above
There is no need for wealth, all we want is food
To sustain our busy lives and bring up the family brood
There is no central heating, carpets or hot water
No financial strain for a son or a daughter
We don’t cause bother or ever make a fuss
So why ? oh why ? do humans stamp on us
Should we stand and fight, bite them where it hurts
Crawl up men’s trousers, explore ladies skirts
But unlike humans, our………..????
IN THE EYES OF A CHILD
Six years old, what has she done
Apart from living and having fun
Playing with her loving sister
And the neighbours boy who once kissed her
Childhood dreams, a fantasy land
A whole life ahead, looking grand
Mum and Dad working hard all day
While she’s at school, then out to play
With her best friend and other mates
She never strays far from the gates
And at six o’clock every night
Her parents arrive to her delight
Daddy’s her favourite as she gives him a hug
Makes his tea in his favourite mug
‘I love you Daddy, your the best’
‘Enjoy your tea, have a rest’
Then one day as she stood by the gate
She realised daddy was very late
A phone call to mummy who’s face went white
To say that Daddy was arrested that night
‘What is it Mummy, what is wrong’
‘Sit down dear, this may take long’
‘There’s been a bit of a situation’
‘Daddy’s been arrested by immigration’
‘Will he be home later tonight’ ?
Mummy looked at her daughter’s plight
‘No he won’t,’ she said with a sigh
And the child’s tears ran as she began to cry
‘He has not got identification’
‘To coincide with new legislation’
‘The’re talking about segregation’
‘Due to a political violation’
‘There’s lot’s of protests and condemnation’
‘And it could mean permanent separation’
‘Way beyond our imagination’
‘Human rights’, screamed the little girl
Who’s head was now in a total whirl
The United Nations she came to conclusion
But her mother knew she was in delusion
‘The’re making out a social order’
‘To send him back to the Mexican border’
‘Its re-direction to a place of correction’
‘Does that mean tomorrow, I’ll get no affection’
‘Not now, not then, maybe never’
‘These Politicians think they are so clever’
‘Destroying the life of an innocent child’
‘Who loves her daddy so meek and mild’
‘No love, no touch, no big hug’
As she lies by the fire on a soft rug
‘Mummy !! surely this law could be………????
Richard Palmer 25.06.18.
NO ONE LOVES ME ANYMORE
No one loves me anymore
No one treats me like a pet
No one bothers to open the door
When i’m outside getting wet
Lot’s of loving is what I desire
While i’m curled up on the mat
Gently lazing by the fire
I need stroking and a gentle pat
So next time you visit at my house
Love and stroke me like a pet
For if you don’t………….????
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LIFE
I’m just a little kitten on my daily round
While walking over cobbles, look what I have found
Nature so raw, a little flower in bloom
I hope just like me, it grows up very soon.
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THE PRISONER
Sealed inside this fortress cell
No air no light a living hell
No smell of grass or sound of spring
No joyful pleasure does it bring
Reinforced to keep me in
But I have committed no act of sin
No sign of ever getting out
No one around to hear me shout
I push and shove to no avail
Heart beating fast, going pale
Rest awhile things turning black
Then it appeared an almighty crack
With racing heart I stood tall
Attacking this crack within the wall
A beam of daylight shining through
To reveal a haze of misty blue
One final push and I am free
A part of life for………….????
From book, ‘RICH INSPIRATIONS’,
promiscuous poems & twisted tales
available on Amazon.
PADDLING ALONG
You know i love you; i caress and hold you every night
You say I turn you on and make your life so bright
But I get no response, you disappear, no reason at all
No explanation ! I try to get you back but you don’t call
I just get blanked and its so frustrating
Especially when I am excited and you keep me waiting
Then suddenly you appear, bright and ready to play
I can’t get excited as I know you could quickly go away
I slide my hand across you and reach for a vital spot
As I lay on it, my friend, suddenly you are not
You tell me how your day has been and all the news
Plus the things I could have bought like a pair of shoes
But in my time of desperate crisis when I need you most
You flash your body at me then disappear like a ghost
I am human and have my needs and desires
But in this relationship I think we have crossed wires
You are often very lethargic and don’t seem to care a jot
About this on and off relationship that me and you have got
So for that simple reason………….????
From the book, ‘RICH INSPIRATIONS’
Promiscuous Poems & Twisted Tales
Available on Amazon.
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LOOK UP TO THE STARS
One night I stood outside my house and looked up to the stars
Way on past the moon, I searched for Jupitor and Mars
With a billion twinkling lights, which way could they be
But a cloud passed by and soon, no longer could I see
To the left, to the right, oh so many, i’ll be here all night
Suddenly a bright twinkle caught the centre of my eye
I can see Mars, I can see Mars, I began to cry
I peered down at my feet to accustom to the night
When I looked up at the stars again, I saw a wonderful sight
There was the magical Jupitor with many a glorious ring
So far and distant, but I could hear someone sing
‘Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like on Jupitor and Mars’
I focussed my telescope………..????
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MOTORING MEMORIES
WE NEED A NEW ONE, I SAID TO MY WIFE
WE’VE HAD THIS YEARS, WE DESERVE BETTER IN LIFE
WELL YOUR THE DRIVER, SO I DON’T MIND
ANY IDEAS OF MAKE, MODEL, WHAT KIND
SOMETHING SPORTY IN SILVER AND BLACK
WITH WHITEWALL TYRES FRONT AND BACK
LEATHER TRIM, WALNUT DASH
SOUNDS EXPENSIVE, HAVE WE GOT THE CASH ?
ENDOWMENT POLICY DUE UP NEXT WEEK
WITH A RISE IN PENSION AND A FINANCIAL TWEAK
WE CAN BUY SOMETHING NEW, TOTALLY CLASS
WITH A REMOVEABLE SOFT TOP AND TINTED GLASS
SO INTO THE SHOWROOM THEY BOLDLY WENT
MET BY A SALESMAN, A DAPPER GENT
WE WOULD LIKE A NEW MODEL AND WE’LL PAY CASH
ITS GOT TO GO FAST AND LOOK REALLY FLASH
ITS YOUR LUCKY DAY CRIED THE DAPPER GENT
AS OFF DOWN THE ROAD THEY QUICKLY WENT
I’LL PUT MY FOOT DOWN, BLAST………..????
I
ARE YOU LISTENING
Hi, how are you today
Sorry I’m late, met a friend on the way
Someone from school, many years ago
Couldn’t remember her name, but no one you would know
I have brought you some flowers to brighten up your home
Plus some plastic fencing and a little garden gnome
I’ll take out the weeds before I go
Clean up the front, give you a glow
Next door is looking a little rough
But being elderly, it must be tough
No friends or family ever come near
As time passes by year after year
Cold and damp, rain and snow
But they’ve got nowhere else they can go
I’ll spend some time, help them out
It’s a lot of work, I have no doubt
What do you think ? should I help…………..????
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HIP !! HIP !! HOORAY !!
Your hip is worn, totally shattered
Through years of wear, its really battered
An op you need but you’ll have to wait
The list is a long future date
Many months, maybe more
Before you set foot inside the door
In the meantime, face the pain
And maybe one day they’ll call your name
Eventually the day has arrived
And you wonder how you ever survived
Lying in hospital, waiting ! waiting !
To be relieved of the constant grating
No general anaesthetic for a person like you
An epidural, so you can watch what they do
‘I want to see what you have taken out’
So they wash off the blood as they hear you shout
A ball and socket has been removed
Replaced with metal and securely screwed
Three months recovery on stick and frame
Before you feel you are no longer lame
Days of physio yet to bear
Its all part of the aftercare
And one day when you are fit and well
You will look back on this sheer hell
Around the supermarket………..????
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COUGHIN’ UP
The bailiffs letter was no surprise
A week to pay ! lay before my eyes
The rents immoral, far too high
This is my home, I began to cry
I cannot work, a broken leg
I sent a reply, a desperate beg
On deaf ears my words did lay
The landlord replied, ‘nothing to say’
A week went by, a knock at the door
You pay now or it will cost you more
I’ve got no work, i’ve got no money
They looked at my leg, thought it funny
A restraining order in my hand
Pay up now ! only seven grand
We’ll take your goods, telly and pet
If our demands are not met
They arrived one day, took all I had
In total despair, I was really sad
My new home was dark……….????
Rich Palmer 02/03/18
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THE WRITER’S DILEMMA
Why do I write, I don’t know
I pick up a pen and watch it flow
What it writes, what it says
Baffles me for days and days
I get the urge and rack my brain
And hope I won’t go totally insane
It’s just the mind playing games
Like a spark that bursts into flames
But the flames so quick, the brain can’t cope
So I scribble away fast and just hope
The idea blossoms as I move down the page
But I have no ending and feel the rage
The character comes, then the plot
But still the ending I have not got
What if the brain decides to rest
I’ll never complete this story quest
Then suddenly like a flash in a pan
I’m scribbling away as fast as I can
It all comes together………….????
From the book
‘RICH IMAGINATION’
Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales
Available on Amazon.
Picture
RUMOUR HAS IT
Have you heard about Daisy May ?
Beds a different bloke every day
Some are rough, some are tall
Some are smart, some are small
Doesn’t matter who they are
As long as they own a fair sized car
In the back seat banging away
Sometimes more than one a day
The Vicar’s daughter, who’d have guessed
She’s out bonking while people are blessed
Black or white………..
From the book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’
available on Amazon.
Picture
I
THE QUESTIONABLE KID
Mummy’, ‘yes dear’, uncle Tobie said he is a Roadie
‘That’s right dear’
‘Mummy’, ‘Yes dear’, ‘What is a Roadie’
‘It is someone who looks after a band’
‘Mummy’, ‘Yes dear’, ‘What is a band’
’It is four or five people who sing, play guitars and drums’
‘Mummy’, ‘Yes dear’ ‘What is a guitar’ ?
‘It is a musical instrument dear’
‘Mummy’, ‘Yes dear’, ‘How do you play it’ ?
‘By plucking with a plectrum dear’
‘Mummy’, ‘Yes dear’, ‘What is a flectrum’ ?
‘No darling, the word is plectrum’ not flectrum’
‘Mummy’, ‘Yes dear’, what is flucking’
‘No dear, the word is plucking’
‘Mummy’, ‘Yes dear’ ‘I heard uncle Toby say Rick from the band could not play the guitar’.
‘Rick can play the guitar dear, in fact he is one of the best guitarists around’
‘Mummy’, ‘Yes dear’ ‘I have learnt to say plectrum’
‘That’s good, who taught you’ ?
‘No one, but I heard Rick from the band say he could not play the guitar because
MANCHESTER.
This is our city, this is our home
A place of freedom, a place to roam
A bond of friendship lies at our feet
As we talk to strangers when we meet
A city of culture, a city of fame
Buildings and rock bands, too many to name
Diverse in all aspects, a city so proud
As we mingle in concerts with a mixed race crowd
Defiant against evil, only love we share
As we live our lives, but some in despair
Blown up by cowards, sick in the mind
Alien to us, not our kind
But life goes on and united we stand
As we listen to music from our favourite band
Defiant in manner, bonded so strong
To send out a message to those in the wrong
We will not be broken, we do not scare
As for your existence, we do not care
You are sick and evil beyond our mind
This city does not want you or your kind
So hug another, say I am your friend
And hope one day, this misery will end
In the meantime, be happy with laughter
Look forward to life now and hereafter
Remember the loved ones blown up by a bomb
No concerts for them, their life has gone
No sense no reason, just something rotten
But Manchester will make sure they are never forgotten
In memory of those who lost their lives.
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THE CONFESSION
Father, forgive me for I have sinned
What are your sins my son ?
Well, I broke next doors window while playing football
Accidents happen my son, is that all ?
Well no, not quite, I kicked their dog one dark night
You see, it crapped all over my shoe
Peed on my pants, covered me in poo
It’s one of Gods creatures, you have to forgive
But I kicked it so hard, it didn’t live
A strong confession off your chest
If only, you haven’t heard the rest
Pray continue…………….
From new book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’, Risque rhymes and Tantalising tales by Richard Palmer available on Amazon.
.
TAKE IT LIKE A WOMAN
A new discovery, they said it would be great
For all those young people who panic when their late
Unprotected sex was something totally new
And it gave the young people a different point of view
No need to carry condoms in a packet of three
Just take a little pill after you’ve had your tea
No need to worry if he doesn’t pull out
Just enjoy the moment and shout and shout and shout
The baby boom began, it was totally bliss
As all the courting couples gave each other a kiss
But some had sex with anyone…………….
From new book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’ Risque rhymes & Tantalising tales
available on Amazon.
Picture
NEW BOOK !! ‘RICH IMAGINATION’ Risque Rhymes and Tantalising Tales available on Amazon.
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AN ALTERNATIVE CHRISTMAS
SNOW FLAKES GLISTENED AS THEY FELL TO THE GROUND
AN EERIE MORNING, HARDLY A SOUND
A RUSTLE OF LEAVES, THE TWEET OF A BIRD
APART FROM THAT, NOTHING WAS HEARD.
THE SUN WAS FIGHTING TO SHINE THROUGH THE GREY
TO MAKE THINGS SPECIAL ON AMAZON DAY
IT USED TO HAVE MEANING, A BELIEF OF SOME KIND
BUT RELIGIOUS FANATICS HAD IT REFINED.
WORDS WERE TABOO, BELIEFS SOON FORGOT
AS CHILDREN WERE BRAINWASHED STRAIGHT FROM THE COT
BELIEVING IN NOTHING BUT THE POWER OF GREED
SET IN THEIR MINDS LIKE A FLOURISHING SEED.
THE SPECIAL LIST OF TOYS THEY DESIRE
USED TO LAY BY THE EXTINCT COAL FIRE
WITH A PUFF OF SOOT, HIS BAG HE LED
THEN LAID THE TOYS ON THEIR BED.
BUT IN MODERN TIMES ALL THIS HAS GONE
AS THEY WAIT FOR THE POST FROM AMAZON
COMPUTERS, X BOXES, GAMES GALORE
SADLY THE MAGIC IS NO MORE.
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THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL
The Sun never rose that morning
The birds never gave a tweet
At first I thought I was dreaming
But then I pulled back the sheet
The clouds were grey and overcast
No breeze would move them at all
I stared at the glorious fir trees
Standing rigid and ever so tall
Movement of life had diminished
To a point of being extinct
As I gazed with wide open eyes
Fearful that I blinked
Had the Earth suddenly stood still
Was I dreaming, was I ill
How long for, a year, a month, a day
Was this it, would………………
From new book on Amazon
RICH IMAGINATION
RISQUE RHYMES
&
TANTALISING TALES
By Richard Palmer
ALL I NEED IS A HUG
All I need is a gentle hug
To pull on my heart strings, give them a tug
Show me I’m wanted, show me you care
Hug me tight, fondle my hair
For you are the one that keeps me sane
You are the one that shares my pain
When I’m down and all alone
I know it’s you I can phone
You are my rock, my best friend
I will love you to the end
We bond, we share
We love, we care
We’ve cried, we’ve laughed
We’ve been sad, we’ve been daft
We’ve argued, we’ve shouted
Our problems we’ve flouted
I was ill, you were there
My pain, you came to share
Your smile, your touch
Meant oh so much
I recovered, I felt well
But it was you who went through hell
Our feelings, our emotion
Show the world our true devotion
We’ve been together, we’ve been apart
Nothing has changed from the start
The bond is strong, the love is true
That’s why I need a hug from you
As we grow old, so I’m told
Our bones will feel the cold
But together we’ll fight this path
At adversity we will laugh
And at the end when our time arrives
We’ll be happy we shared our lives
But right now, I need a hug
To pull on my heart strings, give them a tug
Show me I’m wanted, show me you care
Tell me you love me and forever be there.
From the book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’
Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales
Available on Amazon. Now a song, lyrics and melody by Richard Palmer, sung by Celia Stavri, recorded by Overtone Records and available on YouTube.com
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WHAT A LOAD OF FROLICS
Going home from school, I saw a little lamb
It was frolicking in a field close to it’s mam
I watched as it jumped three foot in the air
Then landed on a rock, it’s leg in dire repair.
I leapt into the field and held the little lamb
feeling very guilty as I took it from its mam…..
From book ‘ Rich Imagination’, Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales.
THE POWER OF A SMILE
I woke in the morning feeling depressed
But what was to happen, I would never have guessed
I wandered the streets in a state of confusion
My life was a mess, I came to conclusion
No one noticed me, no one cared
Not even ‘ hello ‘, not a word was shared
Alone in a crowd, turmoil in mind
Surely there was someone who could be kind
Too busy on mobiles as forward they flee
Facebook and Twitter, no time for me
In a world of their own, where can they be
That they have no time for the likes of me
A bench I spied, so rest awhile
It was then I saw your wonderful smile
It brought me pleasure, it brought me hope
As you told me how in life I could cope
You smiled and smiled and said don’t worry
Bought me tea and a nice hot curry
I may be homeless and full of despair
But you changed my life with a smile,
because you care.
From new book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’, Risque Rhymes and Tantalising Tales available on Amazon.
TOGETHERNESS
Glowing embers falling ashes
Fine white wine in crystal glasses
Warm and cosy on the settee
Cuddling close just you and me
Candles flickering music mellow
A string quartet and fine bass cello
I softly kiss and hold you tight
Whispering sweet nothings into the night
Another squeeze a comfort hug
As we gently slide onto the rug
Another wine room now aglow
I think it’s time for us to go
Up the stairs and into bed
Nothing else to be said
Out with the light
Are you ready
To fall asleep
My favourite Teddy.
From book
RICH INSPIRATIONS
Promiscuous Poems
&
Twisted Tales
TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY
( DEDICATED TO THE ARMED FORCES )
TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY
I don,t know the answer, I never understood
Why people fight each other and shed so much blood
It’s not for me to reason I just get the call
To fight another battle and watch the enemy fall
For I am in the military here to do a job
To halt the vicious enemy our lives they wish to rob
I do not want to fight it’s not for me to say
Just peace on earth will do, that’s why
I just want to live another day.
Tomorrow may never come, my friends are proof of this
They died in fierce battle, a bullet they did not miss
I am here to fight the enemy to avenge the lives of mates
To live another day before I see those pearly gates
Peace is all we ask for but peace we cannot make
We must keep on fighting for a town they wish to take
It’s not for me to reason I just get the call
And hope I miss the bullet that would make me fall
So in these times of troubles I hope I have done my bit
To bring some peace to earth before I have to quit
Loss of limbs would hurt me, it’s happened to my mates
I will keep on fighting and avoid those pearly gates
For I am in the military, here to do a job
To halt the vicious enemy, our lives they wish to rob
I do not want to fight, it’s not for me to say
Just peace on earth will do, that’s why
I just want to live another day.
From book
RICH INSPIRATIONS
Promiscuous Poems
&
Twisted Tales available on Amazon.
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YIALOS TAVERN BY THE SEA
In the back of beyond alongside the sea
Is a Cypriot tavern so full of charm
The foaming white waves , there for all to see
and an atmosphere of peace and total calm
The Cypriot owners so genuine and caring
Tending to your every need
Cypriot cuisine cooked for sharing
Ensuring you have a top class feed
A special cocktail, a secret recipe
For you to sip and savour the taste
Made with love and care for you and me
To be enjoyed but not in haste
Refreshing cold beer in the heat of the sun
No sign of a cloud in the sky
A luxury yacht, people having fun
As very slowly it passes by
We dream and wish of paradise
and think, are we jealous
I’m sure it must be very nice
But to me paradise is Yialos.
Picture
From the book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’, Risque Rhymes and Tantalising Tales
available on Amazon. Also at Yialos Tavern, Coral Bay, Cyprus.
Author profile : www.amazon.com/author/palmerrichard
Photograph ‘Sunset at Yialos’ by Richard Palmer
THE CALL GIRL
Darling can you answer the phone, I,m washing my hair
Not now dear, I,m fixing a light standing on a chair
Could be important like a family matter
Could be a cold call with sales patter
If it’s important they will ring again
If it’s a sales call the’re just a pain
An hour later the phone again rang
Darling, this wallpaper I’m about to hang
I can’t answer, I’m on the loo
Any suggestions what to do
Check the number when we are free
And find out who it could be
Maybe auntie Mary in hospital has died
If so we should be there by her side
Could be uncle Bill with his heart attack
We never keep in touch, never keep track
The number’s dead, no telling who
I am really worried, what should we do
Ring the hospital or auntie Flo at the farm
No don’t do that, it will only cause alarm
Again it rang, with my knickers twisted, I hopped
Just to get there as it stopped
Nerves now frayed, blood pressure high
What can it be I stressfully cry
It rings again, to my ear it did fly
‘Hello my dear, can I interest you in P.P.I
‘Rich Imagination’
Risque Rhymes and Tantalising Tales
Available on Amazon.
ROUGH AND READY
Stop screaming ! it’s only a man
I don’t care I don’t give a damn
What use are they, what are they for
I don’t use them anymore
The’re just trouble and strife
All they want is a working wife
To cook, clean and make things tidy
Then off to the pub every Friday
Pissed with their mates
Falling over garden gates
Make love to me they slobber
As they sway and hover
Not a pretty sight
As they grope and groan through the night
Bad breath and stubble
The’re nothing but trouble
So what do you do for sex ?…………….
From book ‘Rich Imagination’
Risque Rhymes and Tantalising Tales
Available on Amazon.
THE LOVE OF LIVERPOOL
They say it’s a bond between the people
or it could be the cathedrals one with a squashed steeple
then there’s the Liver Building with its birds keeping watch
and the old Customs house in really top notch
Upper Parlie Street and the infamous Dingle
a good night out if you are on the pull and single
Wood Street, Seel Street and the old Temple Bar
there are loads of clubs you don’t have to walk far
The Albert Dock with its famous yellow duck
it sank once but Scousers didn’t give a !!!!…………..
Fourpence used to buy you a big bag of chips
You could sit on the landing stage watching the ships
The Royal Daffodil and the Iris at there best
Sadly no longer, now put to rest
The Empress ships, magnificient in style
but long sold off, probably cruising the Nile
There are lots of gays and quite a few queens
But Cunard tops them all with fabulous scenes
Liverpool and Everton are the football teams
And the fans red or blue come in streams and streams
Whether playing away or at home
They know they will never walk alone
From the Shankly years right up to now
They idolise him and take a bow
Even though he is a Liverpool God
We can not leave out the fabulous Ken Dodd
Cavern Club, Cilla, John, George, Paul and Ringo
Plus great nights out at the local bingo
The museums, Tate Gallery and the Philamonic
The Empire, Royal Court, Echo Arena, so symbolic
The Mersey tunnels joining Liverpool to the Wirral
Just so Scousers could have a look at a squirrel
There’s the Liverpool Echo sent out from Trinity
With all the latest news in the Merseyside vicinity
What is it about Liverpool I really miss
A night out with Scousers taking the piss
The Beehive Mount Pleasant with its rock and roll
The Caernarvon Castle just a short stroll
The banter and humour was simply great
With a bunch of strangers who called you their mate
If you have not had the experience I think its quite sad
I have my memories, thank you Liverpool, for that I am quite glad.
From the book, ‘RICH INSPIRATIONS’
Promiscuous poems and Twisted Tales
available on Amazon.
Author profile : www.amazon.com/author/palmerrichard
LOST FOREVER
I’ve lost it, I’ve lost it ! O’h what an awful plight
I know I had it when I went out last night
Handbag in tow, hair all done
with a cute sexy dress just covering my bum
Sweet sixteen and dressed to thrill
A whole nights clubbing yet to fill
A black lace thong and matching tights
To excite the lads on warm summer nights
Four inch heels, boobs on show
I was ready to Go ! Go! Go!
A load of booze, head all fuzzy
I vaguely remember the twang of my suzzy………..
‘Rich Inspirations’ Promiscuous poems and Twisted tales
available on Amazon.
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BONE OF CONTENTION
Every bone in my body aches a bit more each day
I’ve tried taking pills and medicines but the pain won’t go away
It’s as you get older so I’m told
And the weather affects it, especially when it’s cold
Stiff in the morning as I try to unwind
But unable to find relief of any kind
An Osteopath, could that be the answer
To return me to being a top class dancer
I realise those days are no more
Now all I ask for is a permanent cure
A specialist I need before it’s too late
Someone to cure the daily grate
But that costs money, too much for me
So I’ll have to suffer with my dodgy knee
The National Health, but could I wait
It takes forever to get a date
The operation done, I’ll feel fine
But in the meantime I’m in decline
How long for an op ? I asked the staff
An op, an op, you ‘avin a laugh
Government cuts, that’s all we get
So, an early op you can forget
We’re skeleton staff, we can do no more
So please, we’re busy, there’s the door.
From book, ‘Rich Imagination’
Risque Rhymes and Tantalising Tales
Available on Amazon.
Author profile : www.amazon.com/author/palmerrichard
THE AUTHOR OF ‘RICH INSPIRATIONS’ PROMISCUOUS POEMS & TWISTED TALES.
&
RICH IMAGINATION, RISQUE RHYMES & TANTALISING TALES
RICHARD PALMER AND WIFE LINDA
THE POWER OF BELIEF
What’s the story of Christmas, does anybody know
It used to be about Mary and Joseph and a baby who had a glow
His name was Jesus and he was born in a stable
Three wise men brought him presents to be used when he was able
The son of God they said he was, a deciple of all that was good
He performed miracles and preached the gospel from where he stood
But not all the people believed in the world he taught
And fighting broke out so a demand for his arrest was sought.
What’s the story of Easter, does anybody know
It used to be about Jesus, once a baby with a glow
He was nailed to a cross, a sight of total despair
And put on show to warn others not to go there
Crucified and in pain, he was buried but then unfurled
And went on to teach Christianity throughout the world
But where is he today, in a world of total distrust.
Where cities Like Aleppo are being turned into dust.
Afghanistan, Lybia, Iraq, where millions have died
Surely he could have stopped it if he tried
Belief is a power, so great in the mind
and Christianity is just one religion of many a kind
Jesus was special, someone to adore
But in this modern world, he cannot stop a war.
From book, ‘Rich Imagination’
Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales.
Available on Amazon.
I AM A POLITICIAN
I am a politician, I say what I mean
But to you the public, I may not appear as I seem
It’s a special lanquage for the very exclusive
And to you it may not always be so conclusive
I studied it at university, it’s designed to confuse the masses
The ones that went to secondary school in forty plus pupil classes
In Westminster, we have to up our game
With cameras on, people would think we are insane
We have to make decisions and oppose this and that
From some doddery old git who’s deaf and blind as a bat
Shouldn’t he retire, make room for someone younger
A fresh faced lass, so the corrupt could easily bung her
We never answer no, we never answer yes
We just leave you confused, leave you to guess
The European parliament, now that’s another matter
Most are foreign and speak a different patter
But all around the world, when in parliament we sit
We know deep in our hearts, we talk a load of shit.
From new book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’ Risque Rhymes &
MY SPECIAL FRIEND
For the past few years I have been living alone
No one to talk to no one to phone
No family or friends no special mate
No one to take me on a romantic date
No one to caress me or hold me tight
No one to make love to during the night
Then one day I remembered a special friend
And decided my sex life I could mend
We lay together on the rug on the floor
Then up the stairs through the bedroom door
Off with my clothes I……………..
Book out now
‘Rich Inspirations’ by Richard Palmer
Promiscuous Poems & Twisted Tales
Available on Amazon
140 pages including 45 photographs
Serious, Sexually suggestive, Humorous and Twisted
BREXIT
They couldn’t make a decision, didn’t know what to do
Even though highly paid, they passed it to me and you
What do we know , what do we say
We watched the news, read the papers every day
Then we had to vote, in or out they said
And Cameron’s career was very quickly dead
The remain party tried hard but Brexit prevailed
And Cameron felt that he had failed
But what about all the barmy rules made by the E.U
Just to make life difficult for the likes of me and you
Don’t sell bent bananas, cucumbers must be straight
Prunes are not a laxative, shit, too late
Lose your licence if you’re a diabetic
Sell eggs by weight not a dozen, it’s all pathetic
Jams not jam if its less than sixty percent
And the tampon tax, at least that went
Child allowance for immigrants
No wonder Westminster is full of rants
But article 50 is being given a push
Although as usual there is no rush
At least the barmy rules will disappear
And the E.U millions can stay here
We will resurrect the N.H.S
Brought to its knees, in a total mess
And if we sign up to America on immigration
Make a point of improving that ‘special relation’
Britain will be great and never again stumped
Unless of course we get well and truly ‘TRUMPED’
From book, ‘RICH IMAGINATION’
Risque Rhymes & Tantalising Tales
available on Amazon.
Author profile : www.amazon.com/author/palmerrichard